Closing chapters

Well this past weekend was a blur as I went through 101 emotions.

I finally got my bachelors degree. It is definitely the most expensive piece of paper I own. It will be hung up for everyone to see. And now everyone around me can stop asking "When are you going to graduate already??"

WELL I DID THANKS BYE.

And my shoes matched the hood :)

One chapter done in my book of life.

Speaking of closing chapters, I am about to embark on a trip to do just that. It's an odd feeling, going to see someone for the last time, but I feel like I need the closure, and I need to know that feelings haven't changed. I need to know that the love that was once there is still there and that it's only the distance that's problem. One more chapter done, another door closed.

Now onto opening new doors, starting new chapters.

Last week there was also a new initiative put in place in my province to fight mental health. That is, get rid of the stigma and help those who need it. This cause is so very near and dear to my heart, as I have personally struggled with mental illness, as well many of my friends.

I can't stress the important of talking and helping. Life is worth living.

At the launch of the program I volunteered at the Planned Parenthood booth. I'll never get over the awkward looks that people give you because they want to come over but are embarrassed. Don't worry I am here to help you with your sexual health!

This video was made by local artist Ameila Curran and features many known Newfoundlanders

. The message is the important part. Everyone needs to see it.

3 words you don't want to hear

It's not working.

Too much distance.

I can't be mad, but if I was the only one make decisions we would still be together. But why? So three months from now I can be the one to say, I don't want to do this anymore?

I'm still going over to visit. I want it to be like it was but I know there will this cloud looming over me the whole time knowing it's the last time. I don't even know if going over is the right thing to do. I'm not trying to change his heart or his mind, I just want to hold him and be held one last time before it's gone forever.

But the fact that it's over puts my life on a different path. I'm no longer applying to move away to France, because really, I don't have any reason to go. Guess it's just time to stay in Canada, for now anyway.

I think I'm all out of tears, is losing your first love the hardest? I now know that before all I had was infatuation, this, this was real love. I couldn't wait to talk to him everyday, to skype him. Counting down the days to my visit. But it's nothing when your thousands of miles apart. When after this one visit, you don't know the next time you'll see eachother.

I wish it could work, I want it to. I was waiting for the day that one of us ended up moving to somewhere permanently. Now of course, will never happen.

Reality hits and bring a heavy burden. But to have love and have lost it better than to have never loved at all.

I know that I don't regret any part of it, I tried and it's  hard when someone else doesn't want to make the consistent effort.

It's hard when you love someone, but that love is just not enough.

A letter to my future self

Hi thirty-something Janet,

At this point in your life you are almost into your late thirties (34..maybe not that late). I hope you can look back be proud of the things you've accomplished and be proud that you've stayed true to yourself.

I know there are two directions you're life could have gone in, so let's play out both scenarios.

1) You are more than likely working as a special education teacher, if not as a guidance counselor. You know that everyday you see a child smile, and progress and you know that you are helping them, even if it's only in a small way. You might have kids, might be married. Maybe you eventually decided that it is something you wanted.

2) How is your life in France? You managed to survive the distance I see. How is Aurélien? Have you guys been to Ireland together finally? I'm glad this worked out for you. I can see that he makes you so happy and you've never regretted the decision to move. You have a stable job there, teaching English, working with translation. It's something you enjoy doing! Planning any trips back to Canada?

Janet mostly I hope that you have really grown into yourself. You've conquered that pesky anxiety, you don't get migraines anymore, you've put your faith in the friends that deserve it and that you're happy. Whatever continent that happens to be taking place on.

You only deserve happiness, everyone does!

Love,

twenty-something Janet

Get your vacation on

I don't think there has been one trip I've been on that I could consider the worst. If you aren't enjoying it then it really isn't a vacation at all!

While I did some travelling in europe, I guess none of them really count as "vacation", but they hold some of my greatest memories.

I have been reading all these posts and now all I want to do is book another trip somewhere. The closest place I'll be going is Halifax I imagine.

Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and just post some pics of my favourite vacays!

Florida 2013

(oh the days of pajama wine)

Ottawa/Montreal 2011

(realizing i didn't really take any pictures of the cities.. sorry. spent most of the trip shopping and drinking and seeing Katy Perry.) 

Parliament Hill on Canada Day

And finally, Barcelona.

This picture pretty much sums up that trip:

It's not too bad to look at either.

I really hope none of you have bad vacation moments, but if you do, just take another one and you'll believe once again that vacations are just magical.

What I'm gonna be

I can't tell you how many times in my youth I changed my mind about my dream job. I don't think I really have ONE job in particular I would want to do because I get too bored to quickly to be doing the same thing everyday.

But my current dream jobs also vary. let's have a look shall we?


Beyoncé

Being queen Bey would be the best job in the entire world. I mean she can do no wrong. I feel like if you don't want to be Beyonce your life priorities are a bit out of wack. I'm just being honest.

I also wouldn't mind being a backup dancer. I have taken classes for about 16 years now, and it's so fun. While I'm not the best, I would be lying if I said I don't imagine myself dancing to choreography in my head when ma jam comes on. Likely to be walking down the street like this:

Back to the real world, I really want to do something that helps people. I used to want to be a teacher, but I think I could only be a special needs teacher for a guidance counselor. I want to do something that will let me the difference I'm making in people's lives everyday. I guess that's a good thing to aspire to.

But you know since I love eating and all, being a food critic, or a host of ANY show on the food network is the ideal place for me. Feed me and pay me at the same time? Two things that I love more than anything.

What do you wanna be when you grow up??

  

How to not be THAT guy on a plane

I was thinking today about my past flight experiences and the people I met. I've also been thinking about what  makes a good flight buddy. I have come to learn that there trends that need to come to an end.

So here we go, how to be the best flight buddy you can be.

1) If you're a nervous flyer, please take some ativan and don't talk to me.

I understand you are stressed I do. Flying thousands of feet above the ground is not exactly a secure feeling but please PLEASE don't make it known to me you are nervous. I will in turn get nervous and then freak you out more and it will just be an escalating fear for the next 3 hours.

2) If my headphones are in, that means we are in a no talky zone.

Seriously. I'm probably not interested in what you're saying, I'm more interested in watching Frozen again for 100th time even though I know all the words. If I knew the conversation would be short, I would gladly listen but I am not prepared for 4 hours. Thanks bye.

3) Watch your elbows

Ok sir we are shoulder to shoulder here, I know. But can you please not keep your elbow on my volume ajduster thingys on the seat. I am just trying to watch this movie and you keep changing the volume on me and I can't change it because you're elbow is in the way. I also have said this to you a couple times and you are still doing it. HANDS IN FRONT OF YOU.

When I was coming back from Florida two years ago, I ended up sitting next to this man who had just gone to Las Vegas. He was old and nice and everything, but I knew from the moment he sat down I was not going to enjoying my book anymore. He showed me 420 pictures (on his new ipad he got because he signed up for a new cable bundle) of the Grand Canyon. I don't even need to go visit it myself, I've seen it.

He also then proceeded to tell me he wrote a book about Newfoundland and he writes for a paper. And it ended weirdly 2 hours later when he asked me to send him a picture of myself when I graduated. I'm sure he had the best intentions, but I just wanted to enjoy my book and a nap.

Do you have any plane horror stories? Or have you managed to escape the talkers?

I never do it seems. Let's find out what happens on my next flight come october.

Travel thursdays: Rome

Oh hello and welcome back to the show. Sorry for the brief (3 day) intermission. I was just busy and stuff ok. /lazy and there wasn't anything I was doing that could really be of any interest to anyone.

Excuse done.

It's time for another episode of Travel Thursdays. This week we explore my adventure to Rome!

Ever since the Lizzie Mcguire movie and When in Rome with the Olsen twins came out, I envisioned myself in Rome and it being a magical and life changing experience. Forgetting that it was a HUGE city and with  A LOT of people.

Not that any of the magic was ruined of course. We made Italy a week long trip, also hitting up Pisa, Cinque Terre and Venice. But those are for another post.

Rome was the first stop and after dealing with many language barriers, lack of map reading skills and walking around for 15 minutes, we finally found our hostel. It was a cute little place with just 2 rooms of four beds and the host was a sweetheart. 

We got to all the big sites of course, the pantheon, the trevi fountain etc. etc.

It looks cooler in picture form:

Pantheon

Trevi fountain (cue Lizzie McGuire fangirl moment here)

oh look it's me!

The spanish steps

Our second night there we went out on the town and got a little too drunk and paid way too much money to get into a club but you know, yolo and stuff.

The next day my friend Katie and I went to Pisa. We wanted to go Florence but didn't have enough time so we hit up a bunch of bars instead and continued to drink on the train ride back to rome. Once back we were still ready to go so we got dressed and went out again.

The only way to describe the following day was hangover hell. And we decided to go to St. Peter's square. And climb to the stop of the tower. Up the 500 winding stairs. Hungover. The view was so worth it though.

The we tried to go to the colosseum but it was CLOSED. The one place I wanted to visit more than any other and it was CLOSED. Because it was Carnaval. Whatever, we could still stand outside and it was still nice.

Pretty nice, pretty nice.

And the night before our train to Cinque Terre we went out again and met some basketball players from the states. 

All in all, I really enjoyed my trip to Rome. Minus the rain (the whole 4 days we were there), and the sometimes creepy civilians, it was amazing. Was it magical? Maybe not. Although I did get asked out so, that's a plus?

Me and katie trying our best to not be hungover while the Pope talks.

I hope you are all enjoying your week and if you didn't well hey tomorrow is Friday that's reason enough to celebrate.

The dating game

Happy Monday! Only four more sleeps till Friday!

This past weekend I had a lot of time to just sit back reflect. On this particular Saturday afternoon my friend Katie who is down in Australia texting me about her dating woes. This got me thinking on the amazing/terrible/hilarious experiences I've had. So I decided to share one that I think you may enjoy!

If there is one thing in this world that I am AWFUL at, it's dating (well, I'm bad at a lot of other things too but you catch my drift. right?) There have been plenty of times in which I've got out of my way to get OUT of a date because I was too afraid it was going to be awkward. I would apparently rather snuggle up in my bed watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians than go out and talk to someone new (who wouldn't ?). I'm so ridiculous sometimes. BUT, on the other hand there are times when I feel that my behavior is justified, allow me to tell you the tale.

While studying in Quebec, I befriended a lot of international students from France, Germany, Sweden etc. which was GREAT. I mean it's awesome to be like "OH WELL MY FRIEND SO AND SO IS FROM GERMANY AND SAID I COULD GO VISIT." Gives you free bragging rights in my opinion.
Where was I? Oh yes. So amongst these friends I met a french guy, we'll call him Pierre for the safety reasons (although he would have to search the internet pretty intensely to find this blog..). He was nice and cute and doing his masters in business management. I wasn't initially attracted to him, but when he asked me to go for a drinks I thought WHAT THE HECK because I only had a couple weeks left before going back home so I might as well have fun right?!!?

WRONG. So we went to a bar for some drinks one tTuesdayevening and it went fine. We were going back and forth between English and French, getting to know eachother, you know how it is. So after a few more Rickards White I have an enjoyable drunk on and feel like everything is just splendid. He pays for the drinks and we leave. We start walking to the bus stop (LOVE public transit ps.) and he grabs me and kisses me. And it's fine because I like kissing and I like it even more after a few drinks. We get on the bus and head out separate ways. He texted me the next day asking to hang out again and I said sure.

(I know this seems like it's going all well and fine, but remember I had maybe 4 weeks left at this point, time for something serious? Definitely not. Another thing to note, cultures make a difference in how we perceive things (in case you didn't already know that but I am sure you did). To me, hanging out with someone twice does not equal a relationship.)

So we go to a local bakery and get some french macarons (when we were there I was ECSTATIC because what isn't to love about macarons?)|

Anywho, we are eating and talking and he starts to rub my leg under the table and hold my hand, and these are fine things, but I could tell from look in his lovely french eyes that he was ready for a relationship NOW. In my mind, while eating the delicious macarons, I knew that I had to end this. Did I do it right away? Oh of course not, I am too kind to do that sort of thing out of the blue. You have to ask me to hang out again and take me to a really nice sushi place for me to do that. Yes. I did it while eating supper. Poor timing on my part because we hadn't even had dessert. 

The conversation went as follows:

Me: Listen, I enjoy spending time with you and getting to know you but I don't want to get into anything serious because I'm leaving soon and I don't want people to get hurt.

P: .....

AND THEN he stopped looking at me and looked at the ground for, I kid you not, TEN MINUTES. TEN. MINUTES. 

so he's all:

and I'm at the other side of the table like:

After the silence he said something along the lines of "It sucks that you're breaking up with me" (I'M SORRY WHAT?) and "I knew from the beginning that this would be something serious and I'm not willing to just let it go that easily."

REALLY? Because that's really all I want. So we leave the restaurant and he walks me to the bus, still trying to hold me hand and kiss me and I wasn't having any of it so he got the next bus. I didn't hear from him for a couple of days (I was so thankful) and then he messaged me on facebook, twice. The first time to tell me that he wasn't going to let me got that easily and I would see what a great guy he is. I don't know what part of I don't want a relationship he didn't get. I just didn't answer.

The second time, a few days later, he said he could understand where I was coming from and maybe in the future. And ended it with "one day you will appreciate a French man who care about you."

Thanks for the life lessons bro.

Cut to now when I have a French boyfriend, whoops.

In any case I love going back down memory lane to places like this. There was no heartbreak or sadness, and now it's just kind of funny to think about.

Do you have any dating disaster stories? Please share some!

I do love you Forever21

Dear Forever21,

We have been in a very committed relationship for about 6 years now. I have put you before all others, even H&M, which is extremely hard. I have been so faithful and you have yet to steer me wrong. Except when you were out of stock in something, but that was probably a sign that I should be happy with what I have and not get more. And for that I thank you.

You have been there whenever I needed you. A night out, convocation, lazy days, you were there through it all. You hardly ever disappoint me and continue to keep me coming back for more.

However, in recent months, through my browsing of your various styles, for some reason all of your dresses appear to be tops. As in, they are quite simply not long enough. I'm not even talking "I'll just wear tights with that." I'm talking, well this is another tunic style top to go with leggings.

The reason I fell for you F21 was because you made clothes that were suitable for all. And I do truly love your dresses, but I am not 5'9 and 100 pounds with no chest. And that's perfectly fine if you are that size, you're beautiful. But, these double d's are going to pull that dress up at least an inch. And my stomach maybe another half an inch. What I'm getting at here is that what is long enough for one person is not long enough for all.

I want to wear your dresses for work and play, you know, activities we used to do together. I could get off work and just head straight to supper with you. No longer, because I can't wear these short dresses to work and I feel like leggings make me look slightly unprofessional. (Although they are worn non-stop on the weekends).

I'm just asking you Forever 21, to please, please add a few more inches at the bottom. I don't want to have to start looking elsewhere because I am comfortable with you and moving on just seems so stupid when the situation is easily remedied.

I will probably never stop shopping your website, but once again, please, just add the extra fabric.

Yours truly (and faithfully),

Why not

So because I am in love with this idea, I'm mouching off Kerri over at her blog and asking the pressing questions I know we are all dying to know the answer to.

- Why isn't Subway on my street? Seriously the fact that I have drive so far to get it is a bit much.

- Why isn't teleportation a thing yet? I should be able to go where I want when I want. Which would mean waking up way later than I normally do and still being on time.

-Why isn't it easier to go to grad school? Just let me submit one thing and get in kthnx.

- Why am I still working 5 days a week 9-5? Where is the justice? Give me three days off come on.

- Why am I still forced to see overwhelming barriers against women everday?

- Most importantly, why am I still not Beyonce? That's all anyone really wants in life am I right?

What questions do you think should be answered?

______________________________________________________________________________

I have to write the GRE tomorrow and I just do not care. I really just want to move to France. I haven't told anyone about my plan yet, but that makes it all the better no?

I'm also all of sudden dying with a cold and it had better not be strep throat. Ain't nobody got time for that am I right?

Also linking up to Listed Tuesday,

Check it out!

Travel Thursdays: Amsterdam

I've decided I want to share more of my semester abroad! Well I guess technically I'm writing it because I want to always remember it, but now you can come along!

Amsterdam - Feb. 20th - 23rd 2014

We figured Amsterdam would be a good place to start our European travels. A lot to see, but you can get a lot done in just a couple of days.

We made it to the Anne Frank house, The rijksmuseum, the heineken museum, a canal cruise, a coffeeshop, the red light district and on a pub crawl.

I am by no means an art person but I was fairly excited when I saw Van Gogh's self portrait!

The canal's are beautiful:

The really sad thing is that I don't have any pictures of the red light district. We went to one bar and my friend's purse got stolen so we spent the whole night in the police station. She lost her wallet, cell phone, camera, passport EVERYTHING. The police did show up to our hostel though at like 3am because they found her purse! Her passport was in it thankfully. And then the next day they found her wallet!! But she had already cancelled her cards, which rendered them useless. I guess that $500 canadian dollar limit didn't get them very far.

We went to a coffeeshop and it was awesome/really bizarre. Everyone was just chilling, smoking and hanging out. Coming from Newfoundland, it's definitely a surreal experience. 

Of course the Heineken brewery tour. I will be the first to admit I am not the biggest Heineken fan, but for whatever reason it is so good when you have it there. Probably because it hasn't been packaged and shipped across the atlantic before reaching my mouth. 

(thumbs up for TERRIBLE iphone pictures)

We also went on a pub crawl! It's called the "Best night ever" crawl or something. You got free shots (re: they had bottles and you opened your mouth and they poured the alcohol in).

We did get awesome shirts!!

                                                             (sober...)

And if I didn't get a picture in the sign what was I even doing there.

Have you ever been to Amsterdam? What was your favourite part? I would go back in a heartbeat!