Closing chapters

Well this past weekend was a blur as I went through 101 emotions.

I finally got my bachelors degree. It is definitely the most expensive piece of paper I own. It will be hung up for everyone to see. And now everyone around me can stop asking "When are you going to graduate already??"

WELL I DID THANKS BYE.

And my shoes matched the hood :)

One chapter done in my book of life.

Speaking of closing chapters, I am about to embark on a trip to do just that. It's an odd feeling, going to see someone for the last time, but I feel like I need the closure, and I need to know that feelings haven't changed. I need to know that the love that was once there is still there and that it's only the distance that's problem. One more chapter done, another door closed.

Now onto opening new doors, starting new chapters.

Last week there was also a new initiative put in place in my province to fight mental health. That is, get rid of the stigma and help those who need it. This cause is so very near and dear to my heart, as I have personally struggled with mental illness, as well many of my friends.

I can't stress the important of talking and helping. Life is worth living.

At the launch of the program I volunteered at the Planned Parenthood booth. I'll never get over the awkward looks that people give you because they want to come over but are embarrassed. Don't worry I am here to help you with your sexual health!

This video was made by local artist Ameila Curran and features many known Newfoundlanders

. The message is the important part. Everyone needs to see it.

3 words you don't want to hear

It's not working.

Too much distance.

I can't be mad, but if I was the only one make decisions we would still be together. But why? So three months from now I can be the one to say, I don't want to do this anymore?

I'm still going over to visit. I want it to be like it was but I know there will this cloud looming over me the whole time knowing it's the last time. I don't even know if going over is the right thing to do. I'm not trying to change his heart or his mind, I just want to hold him and be held one last time before it's gone forever.

But the fact that it's over puts my life on a different path. I'm no longer applying to move away to France, because really, I don't have any reason to go. Guess it's just time to stay in Canada, for now anyway.

I think I'm all out of tears, is losing your first love the hardest? I now know that before all I had was infatuation, this, this was real love. I couldn't wait to talk to him everyday, to skype him. Counting down the days to my visit. But it's nothing when your thousands of miles apart. When after this one visit, you don't know the next time you'll see eachother.

I wish it could work, I want it to. I was waiting for the day that one of us ended up moving to somewhere permanently. Now of course, will never happen.

Reality hits and bring a heavy burden. But to have love and have lost it better than to have never loved at all.

I know that I don't regret any part of it, I tried and it's  hard when someone else doesn't want to make the consistent effort.

It's hard when you love someone, but that love is just not enough.

A letter to my future self

Hi thirty-something Janet,

At this point in your life you are almost into your late thirties (34..maybe not that late). I hope you can look back be proud of the things you've accomplished and be proud that you've stayed true to yourself.

I know there are two directions you're life could have gone in, so let's play out both scenarios.

1) You are more than likely working as a special education teacher, if not as a guidance counselor. You know that everyday you see a child smile, and progress and you know that you are helping them, even if it's only in a small way. You might have kids, might be married. Maybe you eventually decided that it is something you wanted.

2) How is your life in France? You managed to survive the distance I see. How is Aurélien? Have you guys been to Ireland together finally? I'm glad this worked out for you. I can see that he makes you so happy and you've never regretted the decision to move. You have a stable job there, teaching English, working with translation. It's something you enjoy doing! Planning any trips back to Canada?

Janet mostly I hope that you have really grown into yourself. You've conquered that pesky anxiety, you don't get migraines anymore, you've put your faith in the friends that deserve it and that you're happy. Whatever continent that happens to be taking place on.

You only deserve happiness, everyone does!

Love,

twenty-something Janet

Get your vacation on

I don't think there has been one trip I've been on that I could consider the worst. If you aren't enjoying it then it really isn't a vacation at all!

While I did some travelling in europe, I guess none of them really count as "vacation", but they hold some of my greatest memories.

I have been reading all these posts and now all I want to do is book another trip somewhere. The closest place I'll be going is Halifax I imagine.

Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and just post some pics of my favourite vacays!

Florida 2013

(oh the days of pajama wine)

Ottawa/Montreal 2011

(realizing i didn't really take any pictures of the cities.. sorry. spent most of the trip shopping and drinking and seeing Katy Perry.) 

Parliament Hill on Canada Day

And finally, Barcelona.

This picture pretty much sums up that trip:

It's not too bad to look at either.

I really hope none of you have bad vacation moments, but if you do, just take another one and you'll believe once again that vacations are just magical.

What I'm gonna be

I can't tell you how many times in my youth I changed my mind about my dream job. I don't think I really have ONE job in particular I would want to do because I get too bored to quickly to be doing the same thing everyday.

But my current dream jobs also vary. let's have a look shall we?


Beyoncé

Being queen Bey would be the best job in the entire world. I mean she can do no wrong. I feel like if you don't want to be Beyonce your life priorities are a bit out of wack. I'm just being honest.

I also wouldn't mind being a backup dancer. I have taken classes for about 16 years now, and it's so fun. While I'm not the best, I would be lying if I said I don't imagine myself dancing to choreography in my head when ma jam comes on. Likely to be walking down the street like this:

Back to the real world, I really want to do something that helps people. I used to want to be a teacher, but I think I could only be a special needs teacher for a guidance counselor. I want to do something that will let me the difference I'm making in people's lives everyday. I guess that's a good thing to aspire to.

But you know since I love eating and all, being a food critic, or a host of ANY show on the food network is the ideal place for me. Feed me and pay me at the same time? Two things that I love more than anything.

What do you wanna be when you grow up??