Warning: this is just going to be a lot of word vomit about my life. Apologies in advance.
Do you ever feel left out or find yourself questioning your friendships? I have been doing this WAY too frequently over the past few years. I often wonder if it stems from my insecurities or if it's actual fact. Maybe I spend too much time inside my own head.
Just recently, it feels like I'm being over looked and as though I'm not really that important to anyone in my friend group. It's just stupid little things like not being told about a date, or about something someone said. Sometimes it's about not being invited. It's not even the not being invited, it's the fact that I feel like my name didn't even cross their minds. It makes me want to just not hang out with them to see if they'd even notice.
The group would wait to if someone could go do something, and if they can't, then no one goes. But if I can't go, I'm always the one saying no go anyway, even though I know they were still going to go all along.
Maybe I'm just reading too much into things.
But maybe I'm not. I've really been thinking lately about my life and where I want it to go, and what people I want involved. Do I really have a need for people in my life that don't give me a passing thought? For people that don't really even miss me when I'm gone? Every time I go, it's not like everyone messages me all the time to talk to me. But I wonder what it would be like when someone else left. Maybe I should be re-evaluating the people I let into my life. Become more picky and particular.
I almost feel like an angsty teen for even writing this, probably should be kept in a diary. I am just so sick of trying to be important to people who don't want me there. There are so many people out there I know would want to be my friend so why am I wasting time on those that don't?
When I moved away from NL for the first time, I didn't end up speaking to some of my "friends" for months and I realized that I didn't really care that I hadn't spoken to them or that they hadn't made the effort with me. That was my first indication that they weren't really people I wanted to make an effort with anymore. Sometimes I felt like it was my fault or that I should make more of an effort, but it's a two way street and obviously they didn't care about losing me as a friend either. There are a few people that I will always be friends with and it's mutual; other people might come and go.
ReplyDeleteOne of my good friends and I actually stopped speaking for 4+ years. We're still not sure exactly why because neither one of us could think of any specific reason that we stopped making an effort, but 1.5 years ago we went out for coffee and now we're closer than ever! She was really the only person that I fell out of touch with that I felt bad about from time to time. It sounds a bit crazy but you should keep it up with the people you really care about and maybe give the rest of them some time - you will eventually reconnect with the people who are important to you! Although 4 years is a bit too long. haha.
Thank you :)
DeleteI guess whenever I go away I never really make a significant effort either to keep in touch. I think I'm just frustrated with this situation because they are some of my closest friends but it does put it into perspective. I know now what I like having in a friendship with someone.
that's awesome about you and your friend! Hopefully this is just a passing phase. :)