I am by no means an expert, but here are some things recently that have helped really control the way I react and make sure that I am understanding correctly and responding in the appropriate way.
1) Take a minute
That's all it's been for me. Think for a minute about what has just been said or what has happened. Is what you're feeling justified? Is what they are saying actually offensive or are you just on defensive automatically? You would be surprised at how well this actually works. I was skeptical when I first read about it, but if you just take a minute you will realize that maybe what you feel is directly related to your own interpretation, not what the person is actually saying.
2) Realize it's not always about you.
I take everything personally, and I mean EVERYTHING. Oh someone is hanging out with another friend? Then I guess they definitely hate me. My boyfriend offered me a ride from one of his friends instead of walking with him? How dare he! I guess he doesn't want to spend time with me. These are the thoughts that go through my head unnecessarily. This goes a long with the first one, just take a second to really think about if they are attacking you or making it about you. Just because they do something with someone else or talk about someone else doesn't change how they feel about you. I used to let these thoughts consume me and really get down on myself. Slowly I have been able to realize ok, life goes on, people still like me and ask me to hang out, my boyfriend still loves me.
3) When you're alone, say positive things about yourself.
Seriously. Stand in front of a mirror right now and point out 5 things you like about yourself. If you can convince yourself that your are worthy of someone's time and affection, you will see your doubts and second guessing disappear next time you are in a certain situation.
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