The road emotional maturity

This is a bit of a hard post to write because it means I'm sharing my insecurities with the world and that is, you know, kind of scary.

I have recently come to the conclusion that there are certain things in my life that require me to grow up a bit. Ok, a lot. I don't always handle situations the way I should, and I let my emotions get the best of me a lot of the time. Some of it is tied to anxiety, but I refuse to let that lead my life and I certainly don't want to use it as an excuse for not trying to become more emotionally mature.

Being emotionally mature means that you handle any emotions; anger, jealousy, fear, sadness etc in an appropriate, rational way. I know the way I currently handle things, aka getting mad at my boyfriend and irrationally reacting to things that have no real impact on my life is not the way I should be acting. I think that if I can make some goals for myself, small ones that I can see myself reaching in a shortish period of time,  I'll be able to keep track of how I'm doing. Little baby steps to keep me motivated and keep growing! I refuse to continue to treat certain situations the same way a 16 year old would. I am 27 and I want to make sure that I have healthy coping mechanisms and healthy relationships with people around me.

Aside from just goals, I have thought about picking up an anxiety workbook as well as seeing a therapist regularly. I know that I am going to need some help to have some strategies for dealing with my insecurities and my emotions. I think my immature reactions stem from my insecurities so that would be a wise thing to tackle as well.

I'm not really even sure why I decided to post this on here. Maybe some of you out there have been through a similar thing and can understand or help a girl out! Are there any books you would recommend reading? I am open to anything about anxiety, self-esteem, confidence, happiness etc.

On a completely different note, I guess I'm back to blogging for a bit? I would love to say I'll constantly be updating but let's be honest, both times I've tried that things haven't gone so well. But no harm in trying again! That is part of what I was saying earlier I suppose. 

Let me tell you bout' my best friend

I'm no stranger to the insomnia world. Two years ago I was awake for 52 hours straight and hysterical. I was calling my mom at weird hours because the time difference until finally my landlord came down to my apartment and saved me with some ativan.

Luckily, it hasn't been that bad since, but if I do spend one night without sleep, I immediately go back into the feelings of anxiety and fear that I won't ever sleep again. This in turns makes going to bed a really daunting task. Being constantly afraid of a place that gives so much comfort is not my ideal situation.

This past sunday I was getting ready to hop in bed and pass OUT because I had been out every night since thursday and homegirl just cannot do that anymore. I felt like crap all weekend. Anyway, I laid down in bed, and closed my eyes. I didn't stop tossing and turning the ENTIRE night. 1am went by, then 3am then my alarm was going off.  So last night I did everything besides take my prescription sleeping pills to try and will myself to sleep.

I bought chamomile tea and Midnite sleep aid because I had heard so many good things about it. I popped one in and an hour and a half later, still awake. It was 1:30 at this point and I was in tears over being awake. That's when I realized I had exactly what I needed downstairs in the my cupboards.

I wasn't sick but I knew this was going to give me exactly what I wanted. My  very best friend who helps me out in times like this.

I know it's really not the best method to sleep but girl I needed the sleep as much as I need to stop eating Mcdonalds. Which I can guarantee you is really badly.

Anyway, 2 tablespoons later and I was off to dreamland. Sleep is definitely not overrated.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend!