You can bet your bottom dollar that when I initially came home from France I was googling tips on how to make a long distance relationship work, you know, like any normal girl would. I was overwhelmed with amount of people and articles written on how to make it work.
At first, I really took these to heart; in my mind, if I didn't skype with Aurélien everday then my relationship was doomed. However, after days and weeks of reading, I realized that me trying to do all of these things wasn't working, I had to do what felt right for myself.
That's when I stopped trying to have the same relationship as others. I wasn't them, and they aren't me so why would what worked for them necessarily work for me?
Some of the most common "rules" are:
- You have to make time to skype or talk at least 5 times a week.
First of all, I am a busy person. I work full time and I have other commitments that don't necessarily give me a lot of flexibility, and A is the same way. And more to the point, he doesn't really enjoy skyping. We do skype, of course, but maybe not as often as we "should." And I really am ok with that. We talk everyday via texting, and even if we don't, all I need is a simple "je t'aime" to feel ok.
- There has to be an end point in mind
This was the one that really got me. I still have schooling left and so does he. While I would love to right now just pack up and move back to France permanently, it's not possible, financially or otherwise. And neither of us are willing to give up our own aspirations at the moment, and why should we? He's 22 and I'm 24, I don't know where my life is going to take me but at the moment I'm happy he's a part of it. Don't get me wrong, the physical distance REALLY sucks but you make do I think this rule puts so much pressure on LDRs. I already have a trip planned to go back and visit in October, but beyond that I don't know. But I do know that I love him.
Another aspect of distance is your friends. Mine are super supportive and want to listen, which is awesome. However, what I don't like is if they are separated from their significant other for a while, they are like "oh well I don't know what real distance is because my boyfriend isn't on the other side of the world." Sure maybe he's closer, but I don't want to belittle my friend's feelings because my situation is different. They are allowed to feel whatever they want.
Anyway, I guess all I'm really trying to say in this long winded post is that what works for some couples won't always work for you. You and your partner need to find a common ground and make it work. Some people might think that you're not doing enough, but in the end, it's your relationship not theirs.
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