Think before you speak

This is a skill I have yet to master, but am constantly working on. It is so easy to let your emotions guide your reactions to things and to cloud your judgement. Lately I have been trying to really think about my own thoughts and how I interpret things. I'm well aware that it's my interpretation that leads to an unnecessary reaction.

I am by no means an expert, but here are some things recently that have helped really control the way I react and make sure that I am understanding correctly and responding in the appropriate way.

1) Take a minute

That's all it's been for me. Think for a minute about what has just been said or what has happened. Is what you're feeling justified? Is what they are saying actually offensive or are you just on defensive automatically? You would be surprised at how well this actually works. I was skeptical when I first read about it, but if you just take a minute you will realize that maybe what you feel is directly related to your own interpretation, not what the person is actually saying.

2) Realize it's not always about you.

I take everything personally, and I mean EVERYTHING. Oh someone is hanging out with another friend? Then I guess they definitely hate me. My boyfriend offered me a ride from one of his friends instead of walking with him? How dare he! I guess he doesn't want to spend time with me. These are the thoughts that go through my head unnecessarily. This goes a long with the first one, just take a second to really think about if they are attacking you or making it about you. Just because they do something with someone else or talk about someone else doesn't change how they feel about you. I used to let these thoughts consume me and really get down on myself. Slowly I have been able to realize ok, life goes on, people still like me and ask me to hang out, my boyfriend still loves me.

3) When you're alone, say positive things about yourself.

Seriously. Stand in front of a mirror right now and point out 5 things you like about yourself. If you can convince yourself that your are worthy of someone's time and affection, you will see your doubts and second guessing disappear next time you are in a certain situation.

Getting rid of baggage (literally and figuratively).

I've never been the best at unpacking or getting rid of unnecessary baggage. While the two concepts don't  REALLY have much in common, the analogy is the same. I procrastinate doing things until eventually everything is partout in my room and my life. Betcha didn't think your clothes could double as your life issues did ya?

I have been back for almost a week and my bag is still sitting on my floor. Sure there are some things taken out of it, but for the most part it's still full. I have looked at it many times wondering when I'll ever get around to actually taking everything out and cleaning up my room (ie. life). I have this dilemma with moving things; I like when things are in a certain place and am afraid that changing it too much might disrupt the peace (or chaos that I hope will turn to peace eventually). Lost? I'm trying to say I'm terribly afraid of change and of confronting my issues.

Life is easier when you keep everything in your suitcase and don't deal the massive amounts of laundry that no doubt lie within the case. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away, but it does make it somewhat bearable. However, recently I've decided that I need to be more proactive with my life. Although there are things that will put me out of my comfort zone, I need to dive in. I know I'm going to make mistakes, who doesn't? But I shouldn't let myself miss out on opportunities because I'm afraid of messing up. What kind of life is that?

I think this post might have had a point at the beginning, but it's lost now. I was probably using it to distract myself from this:

Moral of the story: stop procrastinating and take things out of your suitcase of life (ie. worries, concerns, self-doubt, judgements etc. and you'll be a much happier person!)

Ok, go unpack Janet.