3 words you don't want to hear

It's not working.

Too much distance.

I can't be mad, but if I was the only one make decisions we would still be together. But why? So three months from now I can be the one to say, I don't want to do this anymore?

I'm still going over to visit. I want it to be like it was but I know there will this cloud looming over me the whole time knowing it's the last time. I don't even know if going over is the right thing to do. I'm not trying to change his heart or his mind, I just want to hold him and be held one last time before it's gone forever.

But the fact that it's over puts my life on a different path. I'm no longer applying to move away to France, because really, I don't have any reason to go. Guess it's just time to stay in Canada, for now anyway.

I think I'm all out of tears, is losing your first love the hardest? I now know that before all I had was infatuation, this, this was real love. I couldn't wait to talk to him everyday, to skype him. Counting down the days to my visit. But it's nothing when your thousands of miles apart. When after this one visit, you don't know the next time you'll see eachother.

I wish it could work, I want it to. I was waiting for the day that one of us ended up moving to somewhere permanently. Now of course, will never happen.

Reality hits and bring a heavy burden. But to have love and have lost it better than to have never loved at all.

I know that I don't regret any part of it, I tried and it's  hard when someone else doesn't want to make the consistent effort.

It's hard when you love someone, but that love is just not enough.